The Walls are Broken

I am a fixer. Always have been. If there's something broken, incomplete, done incorrectly, or insufficient I step into action wanting to solve whatever issue going on. Even if I have no expertise or experience. You see, our house has many of those things that 'need fixing'.

When we purchased the home last November it had been completely renovated, everything seemingly new and fixed. "Great!" I thought. With a newborn daughter and trying to move into the house at the same time there was not time for fixing anything. Well little did I know that in a span of months that would all start changing. Being new to Texas I had no experience with humidity's impact on door frames, the re-leveling of a repaired foundation, and all of the overgrowth of a previously unmaintained backyard.

Last month I was able to fix one door in our house so it will now close. It creaks, but hey, at least it closes now. There are two other interior doors that won't close and a super wonky exterior one goes to our back deck that is so crooked it's unusable from the door and frame not matching up, not to mention the gap between it and the weather stripping. The two interior doors I think I have ideas on, but the exterior is way out of my skill level. So I have to plan, prepare and for the time being, wait.

I was excited to shape the backyard into what we were hoping it could be; a place to spend outside enjoying meals and playing. Currently it is an overgrowth of grass, trees and vines. Two weeks ago while working back there I came inside and noticed some bumps on my arm. I figured mosquito bites or something of the like and didn't pay them much attention. That was into they got bigger, itched a whole lot more, puffed up, and began to spread. I was at my wits end of what was going on and ended up caving and going to the doctor. I say caving because to be honest I'm not a fan of doctors, clinics, pills, and the whole situation. After the first visit I was given some topical creams and told to apply them and wait.

So I applied and waited, but still nothing improved, so I went back to the doctor seeking answers. The doctor had an idea of what was going on but really was as confused as I was as to why things weren't changing. So with the advice of a colleague gave me prescriptions for three pills and gave me a steroid shot. So I took these pills on their appropriate schedule, adjusting meal times around them to fulfill their empty or full stomach requirements and waited.

Do you see a theme here? Waiting. O how I hate waiting! It is torture to me. My anxiety ramps up and I get restless and sometimes physically ill for multiple days. Yet what God calls us to is to wait. Wait for His timing, wait for Him to move, wait so He gets all the glory. My fallen soul wants to be selfish and hoard it all for myself.

I have viewed my home as my castle, my own personal city so to speak where I am comfortable, familiar, and in a safe place. In the beginning of the Old Testament book of Nehemiah as Nehemiah is returning to Jerusalem the walls, the defenses and protection of the city, have been destroyed during the nation of Israel's exile. I see all of the problems of my home as cracks in the walls and defenses of what I envisions for my home. Nehemiah doesn't get right to fixing the broken walls and fortifying the city. He "sat down and wept and mourned for days, and continued fasting and praying (Neh 1:4). Nehemiah pleads before God and intercedes on the city's behalf, confessing not only his sin but also the nation's sin begging for restoration.

Taking care of a home isn't bad, wanting to provide for your family isn't bad, and setting up a sufficient and safe place for your family is not bad. These are all great things that God calls us to do, but to what expense? Are you putting these things before your daily development with your relationship with God? Where can you ease a bit to give God what He deserves?

For me, it's when I get up with my daughter in the morning so my wife can get some more sleep. After changing a diaper, playing a little, and feeding her a bottle to put her back down for a nap I have me time. I do whatever I want or feel is needed until someone wakes up next. This is when my God time should be. Not my only time in the day to connect and commune with Him, but a dedicated time to grow and grow closer to the Almighty. So before I start on chores or my next project I have time with God, Him going before me in my day and the adventures that unfold, bathed in prayer, confession, and His unbending grace.

Where is there even a small pocket of time that you can take and reclaim it for time with God?

Adios and Aloha

Everyone says that the best day of your life is your wedding day, birth of your children, or perhaps retirement. As I, like many, reflect on this last day of 2014 the past year (and a little of 2013) you could ask me that question and try to force an answer from me but I would be unable to provide an answer. Let me explain, I'm not trying just to be the passive 'Minnesota nice' I mainly grew up as. 

On November 2nd, 2013 (yes I know, you many say 2013 is not allowed in a 2014 year in review, but I'm a Texan now, so tough luck!) I married the most amazing woman God could have ever made me for me and who I am. She knows who I am and respects that but provides pushback when needed and knows how to stretch and prod me to grow myself and expand who I am. 

January saw the beginning of conversations of a job transfer with Swatch. I had been working 3 part time jobs for the last year or two, enjoying all three things I was doing but knowing it wouldn't be able to last in regards to both my health and sanity as well as for my new family. I was at this time working part time for Swatch at the Mall of America, coaching youth soccer, and working at a church plant with my former youth pastor overseeing the Life Groups. I was working 50-60 hours a week and my wife was managing a coffee shop, needless to say we didn't have as much time together as we would like nor probably needed.

In March we found out that God was blessing us with our own child. At the time it was very much a shock discovery but my wife and I leaned into those we looked up to and who mentored us. We also had to make a decision now as well, would we still consider a job transfer and move? As I'm sure you deduced from above that answer was a yes. The yes was one of great thought, prayer, and counsel with others but ultimately was answered by what we felt God was telling us.

In July I finished my time coaching soccer and my job at the church and Amy wrapped up her coffee career. Thankfully I also had Amy to wrap up most of our things as well in preparation for the move. We filled a POD with nearly everything we owned except for very basic necessitates that we could fit in our 2 door sports car, sold our SUV, and prepared for another great adventure God had in store for us.

August 2nd we drove away from my parents house in Burnsville, MN and said goodbye to Minnesota and everything we had known and become comfortable with. We drove to Kansas City, spent a night in a hotel, and finished our drive to Texas the next day. What a whirlwind of adventure we were on! I need to give.a giant thank you to My wife's aunt and uncle who let us stay in their house for many months and welcomed me completely into the family.

I started that next Monday at my new Swatch store, all alone and knowing that being alone was the only guarantee of this first day at work. I am so thankful to the staff who welcomed me and made me feel not like an outsider. It was nice only working 40 hours each week. This was the first time I had only worked 40 hours a week in several years and I found myself with plenty of free time, which I filled up with swimming in my aunts pool and looking at housing options.

November 11th my beautiful baby daughter was born. I had been coaching girls soccer for 5 years for many ages and levels so I was not surprised when we had found out months previously our baby was a girl. That precious little bundle of joy melted my heart instantly, and now 7 weeks later it is hard to watch her growing every day and doing new things knowing those things I will never get to experience again. She is what God has called me to in nurturing and developing her along with my wife and I couldn't be happier. 

The day after Sarabeth was born we signed on our first house. It had been completely remodeled and was exactly what we were wanting and needing. It is by no means a project less house, but when internally the biggest things were buying a washer/dryer, fridge, and putting up curtain and shower rods, I call that a win! We are still in the process of finishing unpacking but it is becoming a home more and more each day.

As I sit here 30,000 feet in the air on my way home to Texas I can say without a doubt Texas is now home and not just where I live and work. I am returning from a few days in Minnesota where we got to spend time with both families and celebrate belated Christmas and as I drove by so many families places I had driven by many times before without even thinking about it they felt weird. Recognizable but not familiar. Known but mysterious. 

My favorite (and least favorite part as well, being that I don't like change) about this past year has been adventure! Here's to much more adventure here in Texas in 2015 and would love to have you visit us in our guest room at some point in the year! Sarabeth would love to see you! (And us too)

Adios 2014 and Aloha 2015!

The Couch

Such a long time it has been since this has been touched. Hoping this is the start of a renewed commitment of writing and sharing.

I am stuck on the couch barely able to talk and my mind has no where to go but everywhere. What needs to be done, when to get it done, and how to keep everything in line. Underlying all of this is control. Control, the mindset of needing to directly influence every decision and situation involving oneself and often others' as well. That is how I define this word of control. Control is hard to give up when so much is at stake; work, finances, relationships etc. Sitting on this couch I am out of control. I can only do so much of my own ability. I must submit and give up to God that which I cannot do. God will be the one to get the credit. The selfish nature wants the control and praise to feed itself, but true reliance is needed to the Bread of Life (John 6:35). I must do my part, but I have to let God do his. With being sick proper fluid and food are important in recovery. In faith, reliance on God and trust in His control creates the need to be properly fed, through prayer and Scripture.

Are you having your daily bread? Where must you let go, and let God?

Life-Altering Weekend

What a crazy and awesome weekend! I knew it would be a good one but didn't know it would turn out as it did.

First off was the pure joy and excitement of my best friend getting married! It was great seeing him and be able to be right beside him with all of the final wedding preperations as well as the wedding itself. I am so proud to know him and call him my best friend, what a great example of a godly man. It was a blast getting to know his friends in the bridal party and growing so close with them so quickly (if you ever need somewhere to crash in Minnesota you know who to call). The wedding itself was gorgeous, and seeing how happy the bride and groom were as well as their love for each other brought tears to my eyes. This will not be the only time thos happens but that will come later. The reception was loads of fun. I am not a dancer nor have I ever claimed to be one but I was dancing the entire night. It was such a happy occasion I couldn't resist.

The drive home the next day was sure tiring but one full of thought and prayer. I have found a renewed joy in prayer, and doing so constantly. God is opening my eyes to so many things personally as well as opportunities. I am so thankful for all of His provisions.

My weekend ended just as awesome as it started and remained. It was the final official gathering of the season. The sun was shining and the parents and kids had a very entertaining soccer game before enjoying a picnic. It was great seeing them again as I had not done so in a few days. They all have become adopted little sisters to me. I was not planning on this when the season started but I'm glad it did. God does amazing things. Coming home afterwards I teared up again in joy (yes this is the second, two days in a row) because of how blessed I am to have coached them.

God is showing me awesome things and teaching me a lot lately. I cannot wait to see what he has in store for me next!

Growth

In a world of catchy one-liners they are everywhere. Today I saw one regarding growth and struck close to where I am right now. The quote went something like "you can't grow while standing still".  A plant doesn't stay the same while growing, it moves and develops. As I grow I know that I cannot stay the same. Things need to change and evolve constantly as I look to improve myself and become the man I am supposed to be and God has planned out for me.

I am the branch and Christ is the vine, I need to constantly be connected to the vine to receive my nourishment for growth.

I challenge you to look for the places in your life where you are growing or need to grow.